i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
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I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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