chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Congratulations! We have a period
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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