I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize