i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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