he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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