you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.