All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed