Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating