if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance