he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
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The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question