Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you inspire me to be a worse person
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease