His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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