I wish my penis had an off switch
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
