Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
