so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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