I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize