Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
