I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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