Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
