i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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