Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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