i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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