btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
