I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
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Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
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I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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