rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
