In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize