a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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