Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
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literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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