be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize