If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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