the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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