I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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