Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven