Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.