Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...