Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
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I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
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I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument