you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
