just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
