Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize