I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Im part way to drunk.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
