U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
