I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
