My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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