Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
