I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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