Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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