I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
