Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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