you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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