You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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