Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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