Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"