Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize