I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
