I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
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All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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