we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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