I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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