My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
