i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
