I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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